1st’s

I remember, in 2002, early part of freshman year, in high school. It was Social Studies. In walked Jessica with long black hair, she was so tall. At least what i remember. Every time we talk about her freshman, I always bring up how tall she was, and she always disputes it. Says, ” I was not that tall!”. Looking back now, I know she was that tall. But its like she stopped growing that year. That was the first time I saw Jessica, or JC as I call her. I remember my first car, the first time I drank or even the first time I finally was was able to defend myself against my older sister, she was so big! haha. I go back and look at all the firsts in my life. The ones i can remember, who knows how many there are that I cant remember. I continue to go back to my nephews services, the pastor, or preacher, or guy up front talking, whatever you want to call him, Says, “Griego family, you have some tough times ahead. a lot of firsts.” Now, I dont mean to speak ill of a “Man of God”, but the first thought in my mind was, “FUCK THIS GUY!”. Obviously, he was trying to make a point, and a good one. He says, “Nathaniels first Birthday, is going to be hard, his cousins first birthday party, is going to be hard” and he went on naming event after event, reminding us, that he wont be there. and those will be the firsts. What he didnt mention, Mother’s day. I feel absolutely heart broken for my sister. I feel disgust.  I never, in my entire life, would wish that on anyone. Anyone. As holidays and events in the family come and go, I always can hear that man saying, “there will be firsts, and they will hard.” He was right. in the worse way possible. You ever, after going through it, wish someone was wrong. Thats how i feel. I hate that he was right. I hate that my birthday is in a month, and it will be the first time with my Poppies. I FUCKING HATE IT. If for my birthday, I was granted one wish, just one, it would be for my poppies to come see me in my dreams. Just once. I wont be greedy, just once, for a brief moment. I will take it.

 

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