I dont know what i am doing. I dont know how to write a letter, or a blog, or whatever you would call what you are reading. What i do know, is i need something. Anything. to help me. Something to express myself in, to say how i feel. Why i feel it. I hurt. My heart hurts. My nephew, Nathaniel, was taken from us. TRAGICALLY! I remember where i was that night, when i got the call. I remember what i did that day. It was a Friday. It was payday. I remember what i had for dinner. Wingstop. I hate Wingstop, the thought of that place makes me sick to my stomach. WHY!?!?!?!? Because i ate there the day this tragedy happened? Thats kinda stupid, no? But when I think of that place, I think of my Poppie, I was there eating, laughing and smiling, while he was fighting for his life. And i had no clue. I hate fridays, I hate paydays, I hate having a good day. That Friday, I was having a great day. I was starting my vacation. Off for 12 days, only had to use 5 vacation days. ready for my time off. ready to spend time with my family, for the holidays. That’s right, I forgot to mention this happened 2 days before Christmas. I dont want to talk about  what happened to my nephew. It hurts too much. I dont even want to talk about my feelings, my anger or the fact that i hate Fridays. How do i get over this? I know i can, but when, and obviously, how? Nothing can make the passing of my nephew go away, or make it better. The sun still rises and sets. But when does the ease of the pain begin? When does Fridays, or pay days or even good day get better for me? When i sit here and think, that i cant even have a good day….. or that i believe i cant have a good day, is fucking ridiculous. Its bonkers. When i am having a good day, I will be in the car singing, or at home laughing, or at work, working, and then it hits me, “remember the last time you had a day like this, it was so good, then, BAM! a sword of reality right through the heart!” I was going to use “punch to the gut” but i thought i should use something that truly describes the way i felt. The way i feel.